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googley · Jul 02, 2009, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amazonmom

There is NOTHING wrong with you. They are the ones with the problem. I am so sorry your parents completely missed the opportunity to help you. I'm sorry that you have to remember that and carry it with you.

My parents either completely ignored my issues when I was in undergrad, or chided me for being depressed. I was so depressed I wasn't showering or eating, and barely could pass my courses. I ended up flunking out of grad school due to depression. I was screamed at and told that they were done with me. I do know what you are going through somewhat...the lack of caring and support from my parents has probably permanently broken the relationship.

Feel free to talk to me anytime.

The only thing that keeps me going sometimes is my perfectionism that wont let me stop. I have to keep going because otherwise I will fail and that feels like it would be the worst thing ever. I can't even let myself take time off from work because I have to be perfect and can't let anyone down. I wish I didn't always feel I had to be perfect. My pdoc today asked if I was able to go to work and get done what I needed to do. I thought this was ironic (is that the right word?) Keeping going with the schedule is the only thing that keeps me going. A lot of it came from being terrified as a kid of disapointing my parents and getting yelled at. As long as I pretended everything was okay and everyone else thought things were fine then I could fall apart inside without fear of getting yelled at.