Ok, so today I went to T to talk more about my SI. I told her that, last night when I went to do it, I couldn't bring myself to do it as much as I usually do. It just doesn't seem as worth it anymore, because it's hard for me to hide, and I hate having to explain to people why I always wear bandages. But the thing is, for some strange reason, part of me doesn't want to stop. Part of me doesn't even want to get better. I don't know why. It's like a strange sense of thrill and relaxation when I do it. I miss it already... I know I've posted a similar thread before, so just ignore this one if you want to.
Yes, self injury is hard to get away from because it's like a drug, you get addicted to it so even when you don't really find it worth while to do it again. The scars are really hard to hide because they will be on your body for what feels like eternity. I know exactly what you mean when you have to explain to people why you always wear bandages. The strange sense of thrill and relaxation are occuring because the natrual pain killers are what you are "addicted" to. I know how hard it is to stop. I have made about 50-75 scars, it was so hard to stop, but if you try to distract yourself with anything else, you can eventually break the habit. Another reason why you don't want to stop or "get better" is because when you self-harm, the rush of the chemical messengers to your brain create that great instant relief, causing you to not make much progress. Keep me updated, I really care about you. PM me anytime if you need anything, I'm always open to listen, give advice, and help give anyone the support that they need.
Best of wishes and hope,
dance59326