Hi Blue, I have not spoken to you in ages. I am sorry for your loss, the one person you cared about beyond all else. You were, and still are, a good brother. Jasper was blessed to have you.
re: the chat place you spoke of, It's hard when you feel people who are supposed to get it just don't. For me the anger acted as some kind of protection that I could let go of in bits and pieces.

You are a courageous and loving soul and it appears you are very well loved here. I wish you peace.