For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with womens boots...At a young age I really couldn't make sense of it but as I grew older I became more and more sexually turned on by them...

From just fantasising about wearing them in the early days , as I've got older I've ended up buying several pairs of my own ...This then led onto fantasising about then buying women's clothes to go with them...When wearing them I'd convince myself that obviously I was into crossdressing and that there was no harm in it ( except to my mental health), however I'd always end up masterbating then feeling an horrendous disgust with myself and taking them off immediately...

Problem is I feel really comfortable in heels and women's clothes and could happily wear them all day, but I don't feel feminine and to be honest I don't really want to...

Unfortunately with the internet came a whole world of transvestite porn that I find a real turn on...Although I don't find men at all attractive ,for some reason crossdressers, transvestites and shemales seem to really arouse me.. Given the chance I'm not sure that I would want a sexual encounter with one so I'm confused as to what it means...I also get turned on by dominant females..(obviously wearing boots !!) and forced femininisation...

But with all this , it's always attractive women that catch my eye in the street and always has been..problem is I've never been that successful with women..I've always got on with them but not many have ever seen me as a possible partner and I've never had the confidence and self-belief to try and convince them otherwise..

I spend all day hoping to bump into the girl of my dreams and settle down and live happily ever after, but I'm starting to worry that this out of control obsession is stopping it from ever happening...I feel totally alien to everyone around me because of all this mess in my head and its stopping me from having any social interactions at all...I can't figure out where or how I fit in in life and its slowly driving me mad...

Has any one else had to deal with confusing fetishes or obsessions ??...Does anyone know what sexual fetishes mean ??..Did you manage to get rid of them or find a way to integrate them into a "normal" life??..Does anyone have any thoughts as to what all this means??...

Thanks for bearing with me, any help at all would be great...