I understand this feeling. Embracing change and healing is scary, because it means leaving behind the life we know and the supports we have reached out to grab, like T.

Would it help if I tell you that I haven't SIed in well over a year and I still go to T? Needing help, and relying on therapy, is not dependent on being "sick" or doing things like self-harm. Lots of people go to therapy just need someone to bounce things off of, to get insight into life.

I encourage you to share these feelings with your T. They are good feelings, they show you are becoming attached to your T and see the relationship as something that is good and safe. These are good things in T!

You are doing great in fighting the SI. Getting tired of it, and the effects of it, is the biggest step.