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Jul 04, 2009, 04:09 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2008
Posts: 265
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IndieSoul
Thank you  I know one of my possible reasons for not wanting to get better, but it's going to sound like I want attention. I'm scared to stop, because then I'll be that much closer to termination. This is something I don't want to talk about, cannot talk about. I like my T a lot, and I hate so much the fact that I inevitably have to leave her. I know this sounds like a petty want for attention, but it's how I feel. |
Wow, you are stating exactly the way I felt for so long. You are not petty or wanting attention - you are human and there was a reason that you started SI'ing as a way to cope. I was so scared of terminiating that I thought I was SI'ing et... for that reason. When I finally told my T that it was such a relief, like a big secret had been told. I felt like I was the only one but I found out that I was not alone.
I don't think that you want to stay "sick" I think you just want to feel comfort and safety - please talk to your T about it and find out how "normal" that is... 
I really think that you can create a plan with your T that when the time is right and you feel ready to leave...you feel safe...then you will start the process of slowly going towards the door. I wish that I could give you a dose of the comfort that my T gave me; it's ok to be where you are at and taking steps to find healthier behaviors does not have to mean that you are losing things in your life it could mean that you are finding new freedoms.
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