this is the first time i've felt like this for over a year, im all over the place.

its like its hit me, i'm trapped in my head in this depression or his horrible state of excitment, i pure hatred my heart feels cold and my head feels numb, i want to put that shiney thing to my arm or my body and just eradicate my numbness and my coldness its like a disease that comes back everytime i just feel.

I was going good, i want to cry now, i feel like i've betrayed my own head going back to that insane place. i miss the therapy, talking to someone about what had happened, and i miss knowing that i feel safe and secure, i miss my boyfriend and i want to hug him and i want to be happy and normal again, the extrematies are just too much for my head to deal with its like there is never that middle happiness people have. im just one or the other