Okay, I need some support today. I've had a temporary relapse.

This morning a seemingly odd text I received last November from my ex-lover suddenly makes sense--after all this time, go figure! He had replied to a text I had sent mourning the fact that he was so busy and wondering when we would meet again. He said "we have to be patient until January." It seemed odd to me that he would choose January as a time when he would be free but I guess I assumed he had some renovation jobs (he does this on the side of teaching) that ended then. But the reality is that that text wasn't meant for me. It was meant for the other person he was planning to begin a relationship with (the one he 'forgot' to tell me about). He had mentioned at one point that a student in her 30's had approached him to go out but he told her he didn't date students. That was all he told me. I had been his student and we had started talking until we began the affair. He couldn't see me until January (2 years prior) because I was his student at the time--conflict of interest. So in other words, he repeated exactly the same scenario with her but didn't cut me loose in the meantime...he just tried to make me disappear by ignoring me. My God. What a jerk.

I have this sudden desire to send him a text telling him that he is lower than a pile of crap on the ground and calling him every foul word I can conjure up. I am so outraged this morning.

My 'logical' self is saying that the better course of action is to leave it alone. I removed him as a contact from every email and blocked him from seeing my facebook page. I am going to find out how to block him from my phone until November when my contract ends and I get another phone. I suddenly have this need to tell him just how much I hate and despise him as a coward and a user. I want to say things to hurt him like he has hurt me.

I feel a part of me turning hard like steel--an icy cold fury. That part of me that truly despises him tells me to continue to perfect my body and my life and when our paths cross which I'm sure they likely will (whether by his design or chance), and when the worm wiggles into my path to coldly step over him knowing he will see how good I look and know that he will never have that again. I have determined to count him as dead not even make eye contact but look through him.

Even though I have been guilty of doing harm to my husband (despite the fact he is unaware of the affair) that does not give my ex-lover the right to treat me in such a disrespectful manner--what he did was wrong.

Even though I want to send off one more scathing text or email (knowing he is helpless to reply because he is blocked--evil lol!) I am thinking this is probably not a good idea.

What I need is someone to tell me why this is not a good idea....