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Jul 06, 2009, 12:39 AM
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Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: The place where X marks the spot.
Posts: 1,848
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I'm not sure why its taken me so long to begin to see him as a jerk--and truthfully I think I built such an elaborate fantasy life around him that it is quite possible that it is not really him I am mourning at all but the loss of whatever need that fantasy was filling....
It's possible the following might have some insights for you...
Quote:
Swiss psychiatrist, C.G. Jung, talked extensively about the projection of one’s anima/animus - our inner opposite gender. When we meet our animus (the inner male for women) or anima (inner female for men) - it’s instant kinetic attraction. My God, you will feel it like a tsunami. You will find yourself fantasizing about them in every sense. You may not understand why they have an emotional grip around your very being. What is happening to me, you ask? Congratulations, you’ve just encountered your own inner anima/animus.
What is the composition of your particular anima/animus? Ask yourself: What does my ideal lover look like, sound like, what kind of job do they have, what type of style clothing do they wear, what does their energy feel like? When you can answer that, you will have a glimpse into what your anima/animus looks like. When you meet your physical representation of your inner anima/animus - WHOA! If it’s mutual - God help you both. Seriously, it can be beautiful…
You can have these gut-crazy attractions to multiple people in one lifetime - and each one may be very different. So, what does that mean? It means the current person you’re projecting your anima/animus all over is the physical representation of your inner opposite gender. That physical representation also suggests where you’re at developmentally. Get it? In other words, what attracts you at 20 years-old may look different when you’re 35 - or not. Personally, I must not be psychologically developing because I continue to be attracted to the same type of man - very masculine with exceptional intellectual capacity - oh yeah, tall is definitely good. But those adjectives speak to the physical qualities. Not every man who is masculine, bright and tall do I resonate with. The other intangible magnetic pull is the way they feel. When I meet a man with these qualities and feel the magnetic draw, I’m dancing with my animus.
How can you stop projecting your inner anima/animus onto others? By integrating into your own psyche the very qualities you’re attracted to in the other. Why does anyone want to stop projecting their anima/animus onto someone else? Because withdrawing the projection and claiming those qualities you hang on the other will help you be more complete, more balanced.
Source: Constellation of the Anima/Animus
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See also: The Anima/Animus and Midlife
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~ Kindness is cheap. It's unkindness that always demands the highest price.
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