((((Gabla))))

Hi and welcome to PC. I am glad you are here and I am sorry you are feeling so alone and sad. But I do understand. I was married for 18 years but did not feel loved. And I could not make any close relationships as I felt guilty for all I was feeling. I shyed away from people and hid. A lot happened and I blamed myself.

I too had a plan and wanted and tried at one point to do it. But knowing I would hurt others made me feel worse. I felt no one cared or would even notice if I were gone. But also at the same time--I felt guilty and afraid I would hurt someone and I do not want to hurt anyone.

Now, I still sometimes think the world would be better off if I was not here, but at the same time do not want to bring hurt on anyone. I have started reaching out more and thanks to a very special person who reached out to me first and accepted me and believed me for the first time--I found a little hope that is building slowly.

It has taken two years but it still comes and goes--but there is a little more glimmer of light than ever before. I know coming here has helped more than I can tell you. The love and support from PC is one thing that has kept me hanging on. I know that I can come here and express what ever I feel and it is okay.

I used to think if no one knew than I could do what I needed to do and it would not hurt anyone. But it will hurt--you. I do hope you find all the support you need here and will keep posting and let us know how you feel. Know you are not alone and that we are listening and do care.

dps