Marjan,

Thanks for your reply and words of encouragment. I have wished many times that I could just turn my mind off and not think at all. Perhaps if I hadn't been thinking that day, I wouldn't have hurt her. I just think too much most of the time.

Right after this happened, we had talked on the phone at least 3 times. As I have already said, my friend said she accepted my apology and had acted like she had moved on. She acted like she had done a better job of it than me. I have a hard time forgiving myself. Around the end of March, she called and told me she was having surgery the first of April. I said that I would come see her. I had always told her that I wanted to be there for her in those situations. Her reply? She said that I didn't have to come, because she would be busy after the surgery with therapy. I thought she meant for me not to worry about coming to see her or for me not to put myself out. I did go to see her after the surgery. I only stayed a few minutes. I gave her a stuffed animal and get well balloon. I thought the visit went well. But the next time I seen her out of the hospital, she asked me why did I come to see her? She said she had told me not to come. But her actual words were "you don't have to come" I was so surprised by her reaction that all I could say was I'm sorry and I walked off.

I have tried to remember to take into account that she has both Bipolar Disorder and Paranoid Schizophrenia. It helps to talk about this here.

Thanks

Dwayne61