I am sitting here alone in my den, trusty faithful dog at my side. She's the only one who doesn't make me mad.

T has been gone well over a week. I will see him Thursday. The separation has been different this time and I am not as freaked out as I used to be but truth be known I feel the space between us. The longer he is gone the wider the space gets. I fantasize about our reunion (like every year). I know that the session will be difficult. I'll feel awkward and bumbly; he'll try to fill the space with chatter, getting me used to his presence again.

I'm in a weird place right now and I don't know the name of it. I try to protect myself from feeling but I think it's the place where I am faced with myself and know I can't escape it. I'm po'd at H becaue he didn't take care of something he said he would (an old story with us) and it's causing us big probs now and all I can do is hear T's voice asking me what I want to do about it; what do I want? what do I need? how can I take care of myself? blah blah blah blah blah

I really wished I could talk to T tonight.

Maybe I'll just sit on my couch here until fuzz grows on my teeth and someone comes in to evict me.