Tomi, you must take care of yourself. My sense of you, and your family, is that you give and give and give..and frequently you aren't getting back enough of that love. Being with Cheyenne opened you up to some feelings, some conscious and some not, and your dream picked up and went on with those feelings. You aren't selfish, wanting the world to be better to you.....work through this, with us and I am positive that things will get better for you. Family is hard. Can't live with 'em and can't shoot 'em. When my youngest was 14, she bought herself that tee shirt in Santa Fe. It was the source of many good laughs, through her teen years.......xoxox pat