This thread is going to be a rather bizarre one....as alot pertaining is past tense as far as resolving most of it.
As I was (amazingly) discussing this with hubs, (yeah..actually "discussing"...wonders never cease), I thought this may be a rather interesting inquiry.

Quick rundown:
Hubs and I are at our end. Getting divorced, but due to financial reasons (at present), I haven't left...just yet.

He was never really attached to "me", (I was more a void filler after his wife collapsed and died unexpectedly 15 years ago. She was only 35).
I devoted myself to "his" world. He and his kids were so completely devistated by the loss of wife/mother, and being a family friend, and single with no exact set direction of own at that time, I saw no harm in helping.

At first, I became involved as care taker of his kids, (live-in nanny, of sorts). A romance resulted between him and me months later. We married 2 years following. Had a daughter of our own.
I raised his kids. They became of age, moved out. I'm presently raising our daughter (she's 13).
Relationship was doomed for enevitable disaster..I just didn't really see it then....loved him, and wanted it to work. Did what I could do for years to carry it all TO make it work. Eventually, it sucked me completely dry to the point that I lost self. Gave up. Became lost.
Became emotionally detached. Still am. I moved out of bedroom and into own many years ago.
Got to the point that I could no longer live like this, (for self and for dot). Decide to leave. Begin to make preparations, (have been for a while now). Unfortunately, finances are making it so damn difficult for this to succeed, although it's not stopping me....just making process slower.

Because of the fact that I've become so emotionally detached, it also includes any and all physical connections whatsoever. And, of course this was his biggest complaint...(heaven forbid that he's concerned as to WHY this has ended up as it has...no no..). Regardless, a man does have needs, and I completely understand that.
So, I tell him to "do what he has to do to attend to his needs"...as I honestly could no longer care any less what he did do.
Eventually, he begins to seek companionship elsewhere. I was absolutely fine with that. Understand it completely...in fact, supported it. He's been involved with his "gf" for a few months now.

It wasn't until just recently that he has begun to show absolute interest in putting all his efforts into "us" again....Uhmmmmm....What?

He's trying to tell me now that, he is not in love with this woman, (not that it would effect me in the least if he was). He tells me that she's madly in love with him and is suffering due to playing second to me.
I ask him, how can she be playing second to none?, (and of course, I have to explain to him what that means). Again, I explain to him that he and I have been done for sometime and I'm only still here due to the financial issues, which he is aware of.
He is telling me that he's in love with me, (oh, yay), and wants US to work. And that he'd do anything he could to do just that....lol...Right!!
(Sorry, hubs....been there, done that, and heard that too many times now to even mean diddly to me anymore).
I tell him...If she means nothing to you, then why are you doing this to her?...(using her?). He tells me he's been upfront with her from the start...that IF I were ever to emotionally return to him then he would drop her like a bad habit. (Shame on him). I tell him that while he was honest enough with her about his situation, he is still being unfair to her.
I realize that, while she has decided to involve herself with this man who has made it clear to her that she is only (yet another void filler), I feel she does not deserve this.
I suggest to him that he is being selfish. (Gee! ....do ya think?)

(It's a good thing that I've reached the detached phase long ago. I just might find self heart broken all over again. I did love this man dearly. Although he has some deeply burried issues which developed long before me, I still saw the good in this man. Unfortunately, he could not cast his sight on that same view...and I became exhausted by trying to show him....Can ONLY lead the horse to that water....(in this case, maybe a Jackass though?).

Emotional and verbal abuse (or any abuse, for that matter) is inexcusable. Years of enduring that has left such emotional scars on me that, unfortunately, now that he's ready to try to work at it, it's far too late.
Sad as that is.

Ok...now the inquiry bout reasoning....

How does this man think?...I mean....What is he doing here? He knows we are done, yet plays this woman. All the while telling me that we will "bounce back" and work out. Yet, I tell him....Sorry, you've gone so far as to be unfaithful, (which ..I really do understand), but the fact that he had, and couldn't wait for the divorce to go through, then that fact alone has sealed his fate with me, (even if there was hope....he killed any chance of that now).
He does not share my viewpoint.....(Oh! What a surprise that is!!).

Anyhow~ I'm just curious what y'all think bout this.

Thanks...

Shangrala