((((Babysteps09))))

I can hear what you are saying and I can understand. I often wonder how long or if it will ever go away. I too am not even 50, but I feel like this will last forever at times. I find myself very tired, stressed, and very often shut down. I try to protect others from my depression. I paint on masks but they at times become so heavy that I cannot hold them up. It makes me want to hide away so others do not have to see me.

I know this can get better if I keep working but it feels I have been working forever and at times it just gets worse. But I have not given up yet. I want to at times and I just do not want to be here at all. But, then I worry about who I might hurt and feel guilty because I do not want to hurt anyone. But I know how it feels to want to go away and never wake up.

So yes, I do understand and feel so much the same. But we are survivors and we are worth fighting the depression. I hope you know that you are important and worth fighting the feelings depression leaves. We are here for you and do care. Hang in there and keep posting. It does help to get out what you feel.

dps