When I went to bed, I left T a message before I went to sleep. I told him that I had the worst migraine ever, probably from going through so many big emotions - the overwhelming anxiety before the session thinking we were going to talk about the rape, the hurt and disappointment when I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me right when I got there and he told me about Thursday, the shame and embarrassment and guilt about how I reacted, the sadness about having a rupture with T. I apologized again, and asked him if he would leave a message, even if it's just to say "I got your apology and heard what you were saying".

My little part and grown up me are scared that he is angry and won't leave a message. Even though he made it clear in session that he wasn't angry and that if he were me, he would feel exactly how I was feeling. Teen part doesn't care. Teen part gives me a headache.

So, I've started the day with 1000mg of tylenol and 325 mg of asprin and half a klonopin and a cup of coffee (I don't usually drink coffee) and I'm sipping green tea. I figure that will either keep the migraine at bay, or I'll be WIDE AWAKE with liver damage

Thanks for the support. I can't believe how strong my reaction was to him canceling Thursday. I asked him if he rescheduled any of his other Thursday clients and he HESITATED and then said "yes, for next week". I wonder if that's true. If he could have just rescheduled me for Friday, none of this would have been a big deal. I bet he did reschedule some people for Friday (the people he CALLED) and was out of appts by the time he told me.

Whoops! Going to the place again that gives me a headache! Going to try to breathe, be a sane grown up, and let it go. Breathing....

Thanks for the support, PC friends