Thanks Judee--I really hear what you are saying. It's a process and yet, I can't keep holding onto the "past"---insiders sure want to.

Why now?--because she lives quite far away and will be in my area next week. She made contact with me and asked me to see her at the hotel she is staying at. She will be with her grandchildren as son and DIL will be at a conference.

Up till now I thought we (insiders) have dealt with the whole messy thing. I am quite sure I can deal with her because she too has been abused and also has had to deal with alot of c**p. I can be empathetic. Insiders are not. They see her as she was "then".... I want to move on. I want to at least have a truce with her.... not be her "best friend" or anything like that, but to try and at least be able to bring things into the present ----- and if the she is working on recovery I think she at least deserves a chance. If not and she proves to be the "same" as she was before, then I can close the book. she is physically unable to harm me ---not sure about the emotional/psychological stuff (which she was soooo very good at).

letting insiders voice their fears, concerns, feelings etc.

I am ever the optimist.