I am new here, so hello... sounds like we all need a hug.

I used to take antidepressants, but don't like the "wrapped in cotton batting" feeling I always had. So now I am pushing forward unmedicated. I am in tears half the time. The other half I am so tired I can hardly move. And I am nearly always anxious. Can't watch much TV for fear I will see the news, which makes things worse. Have to set my homepage to "happynews.com" so I won't accidentally see anything that will scare me. This sounds pathetic when I read what I just wrote, and it is not really that bad, I am not paralyzed but I feel worried a lot about the state of the world and the media does not help me. I feel tired, empty, not good enough...

I have been doing some self help work from a book on ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to try to help get out of the mire of my depression. Have any of you heard of or had any success with this? It talks about mindfulness, and staying in the moment, and realizing your thoughts are just thoughts, not necessarily reality. So, today, I was feeling a little afraid to take my car in for an oil change, because I was worried they would tell me something was wrong with the car and I would have no way to really know. It feels helpless for me to have to rely on someone I don't know for this. Anyway, I realized I was afraid that I would feel afraid so took the car over and we shall see when they call me how things are. So, that was a kind of ACT thing, realizing I was afraid of what I might feel, so I was trying to avoid doing anything.

So my story is that I am 54, female, living with my partner Charles for the past 8 years in relative harmony, have a grown son who moved out five years ago to go to college in NYC, loves it and is staying there. My son is the joy of my life, and I am kind of lost without him around. Still. After 5 years you would think I would be accepting this. Sigh. I work as a customer service manager and have been there for 11 years. I am good at my job but don't love it anymore. I am creative, and do a lot of things for charities, like making dolls for orphanages, blankies for the elderly, and things like that. This makes me feel better, and keeps me out of trouble.

I am busily reading posts. Thank you for listening.
Christine Amaryllis