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I typed this all out once and I don't know where it went and don't have the energy to do it all over again.....I have never felt so alone as I do right now. The one person that I had IRL that I thought cared apparently wrote me off, but I guess I can't blame them. Who would want to deal with some crazy, mellow dramtic, screwed up chic like me???? I know that they could relate because they also suffer from depression. They don't have the urges I do to cut and take pills. I was at a low yesterday and really wanted to hurt myself. It is hard for me to ask for help but I called anyway and left text message. Nothing. I know I can go overboard at times. I'm just not use to having these feelings of wanting to hurt myself so I turn to them. I guess I was wrong to do so. I chased them away. It hurst like hell that they don't care enough to even say "are you feeling better today?" Right now I want to yell and scream at this person but what will that solve? Nothing. I was wrong to even think that they cared. I should have know that they were just being nice. I told them last night that I wouldn't bother them ever again even if I felt like taking a whole bottle of pills and that they didn't have to worry they wouldn't hear another peep out of me.
I just want to.......I don't know...I don't know what I want....I want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop feeling like I can only do this if that person is there to help me. Right now I don't care what happens to me.
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