My Support Forums - View Single Post

turquoisesea · Jul 08, 2009, 01:47 PM

hey there

I've gone through some kind of similar thing recently. With me it was more of a part. But I guess I've gone through different levels of dissociation. I used to have a voice that would try to get me to do harm to myself... later it was even able to take over body at times. And it was violent. HORRIBLE experience, and it was very scary. It wasn't what I'd call a "complete" part - it was more emotions or a certain view on things that I couldn't and wouldn't accept. Hating everything I saw coming from it I fought and fought and fought. At different points I think it was the right thing to do because it was completely unreasonable. But eventually as it came into more perspective and I began to understand WHY it existed, I came to accept that yes that was part of me, yes it was ugly but it didn't have to be. If I could learn to accept the feelings it held, the reasons it was there, and the desires stemming from these things... with the acceptance it was a part of me it BECAME part of me again. I guess it was a dislodged piece of me that just kind of slipped back into place. Now it's still there but as a part of me, and only rarely separates. I dislike so much of what that part of me does but I understand it now better, and it's much more manageable.

In my case, part of its reason for existence was protection. In its own way it was protecting me. In addition it held emotions and thoughts that I couldn't handle.

I know your case is different. But I guess I just wanted you to know that it can happen that a part or voice inside can indeed seem really evil. Act really evil. But be important and need to be understood. Maybe it's not so much of love, as of acceptance and understanding, which takes time.

Sending hugs, hope my ramble wasn't just completely confusing