In the space of a month, I have had an actual diagnosis, given Topamax which landed me in the hospital, given Trileptal in the hospital, gone to partial hospitalization. I feel worse. I feel more depressed than I did before. I feel like more of a failure than I ever have. I feel like an ill person. I am so tired.

I can't take care of my kids or my house. The only reason I get up and take a shower is because I have to be at the partial program in the morning. Otherwise I would be sleeping and hiding all day. I can't speak without bursting into tears. I feel all my insecurities and anxiety with my whole body. I want to be invisible, but at the same time I want someone to come along and hold me and make it all better.

I am so confused. Why am I more sick now that I am getting treatment?