Whenever I try to do something uplifting or slightly different from my usual depressive routine, I feel so awkward, but when I indulge in the depressive feelings it actually feels like thats what Im supposed to be doing, like thats where I belong, like thats what I was made to feel.
I keep listening to the most depressive and negative music I can find and the other songs I own, are out of rotation for now.
This is the way I always have felt and I dont know how to be different. The depression comes in waves tho and Im on one of the low parts of the cycle rigth now.