Col... I'm so sorry you are going through a hard time at the moment. All I can say to u is just don't punish yourself or blame yourself, for that will only put more pressure on you.
And there is something inside which tells you for a FACT that stopping cutting is good, for your benefit and for the others around you. we all know this is hard, its solid, and even jsut trying to give up is something that half of us will never be able to accomplish - having the strength to do that in the first place is always a good thing.

Whatever drags you down, always look towards the light. Even though in the darkest times, we may not be able to see the light. But just because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there

Hope you feel better soon

babyg x