Thanks DoggyBonz....Maybe that is why I do it because it is a way to escape when it all becomes too much!

Yes, it is an escape that is what it is. That why I do it. But and this is really hard, but try to be a little more understanding with yourself. You are in a lot of pain and suffering so it's the best you can do.

I don't start therapy till next week and I don't know if I can make it that long. I was put on new meds and I know it takes time for new meds to work. Going on my second week of it and higher dosage, but the feelings are all still there. I want to cut and take pills more then ever right now.

Sounds, terrible, I am so sorry that you are going through this much pain right now. I have been there and know there is a possibility that I'll be back in that place. It's scary and very lonely. Hopefully the meds will help and then with therapy you'll start having some tools to help.

I have one person IRL that I could go to, that understands and has been through and going through the same thing. They don't have the urges to cut or anything like I do. I left a message crying that i needed someone to talk to, I left text message that I"m better off not here and out of a bottle of 500 how many would it take to OD....I guess I was wrong when I thought that they cared.

Been there to. Have felt the same way ~ or similiar. It's terrifying beyond belief. Truthfully given the pills I did take ~ would sleep through 2-3 days, I'm amazed that I am alive and didn't OD. If you are really that scared and feeling that desperate you can go to the ER. They will probably lock you up for I think a 72 hour hold not including weekends but it's an option.

Your better then I am. I tend to take more pills. If they don't do anything then I tell myself that I can take more. Just got back from the gym and instead of feeling better I feel worse. I took my meds just now and am thinking about more pills so I can sleep the day away....