See... i think I look fat in that video, it's horrible. I didn't look as bad as I normally look, but I'd been eating then. I know that when I've starved for over 3-4 days, I start getting spots and look pale/green according to my counsellor. Maybe I am the only one who sees me as fat, and I know I need to work on that, but I can't work on it until I can see that people say to me that I've lost weight, that I am skinny and they envy me for being skinny. I can't help it

I have tried talking to that voice, but it's always the same, i always get spoken over, not listened to, or she tells me I'm wrong. I'm always wrong

I know I use my ED to punish myself and to avoid dealing with my emotions and everything that's going on at the moment. Counsellor asked me what made me starve last time and I really wasn't sure. I think I just felt fat and horrid and felt that I needed to starve to feel better.

I'm starving again today.. But I don't feel well and I want to eat something to make me feel better, but I just feel like I'll just be sick. There's been a bug going around here and it seems that being the one who runs the breakfast club, with all the people breathing and coughing around me, I have caught it. I really don't feel well and today I feel like I've been starving for about a week. Yet I haven't.

Ugh. I don't feel so good. All these people drinking coffee and hot chocolate around me and I swear I'm gonna throw up. I can't actually sit here and just smell it. YUCK!

Thanks for sitting with me. I'm really feeling crap today..