I have to be quick about typing this.

I won't be able to check this thread again for a week, but please feel free to reply anyway. I will check it.

I used to self-harm several times a day, several dozen times a day until my arms, my wrists, my legs and the sides of my torso were covered in deep cuts. I would burn myself with the hot glue gun, or the iron, or a lit candle. I hid it all from my mother and sister, the only people who ever saw me because I lived with them, with long sleeves and sometimes gloves or arm bands.

Since I've been living with my boyfriend, I haven't self-harmed for four months. It's been driving me mad. I'm edgy, I'm angry, I cry all the time and he doesn't understand why. Because I haven't explained. I can't. He knows I used to self-harm but I can't do it any more. I don't really need to.

Or, I shouldn't.

I don't understand what's wrong - it's more like I'm addicted to pain and I need my fix and then I won't be so angry or edgy or depressed. Everyone else here is trying to find ways to stop cutting, but I desperately need the releif of deep, searing pain without any permanent marks and I don't know how to do it. I need help. I need some sort of relief, and fast.