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Old Oct 12, 2003, 09:44 PM
jac jac is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2003
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 26
Hi manuelle
As I read I suddenly had an insight. Going through some (gulp) sexual abuse myself from a man who was supposed to protect me and love me and respect me(he was my husband) I have come to realize that some of my problems with feeling "special" to someone stem from this abuse. This is difficult for me to talk about because saying it out loud only brings it back from the depths of my soul. When someone you have respected and cared about treats you like a piece of *** that has no feelings and is only there for their pleasure, it tends to cause a teensy bit of disfunction.
(deep breath) I think she may have felt a bit used by this man and needs to talk it out. What he did to her was wrong and she needs to be able to decide that herself. She may like to do all of the domination because that man made her feel like she should enjoy it. He did not hurt her violently-he just used a childs point of view to use her. I am not afraid of men sexually even though my abuse (wow-nothing like some self-therapy) was not always violent. I do however have a hard time trusting in men and letting them see the real me. Your girlfriend had to grow up sexually a lot faster than most. Maybe she feels like she deserves the whole domination/rough sex/etc. I probably am not a very good one to touch upon that subject because I can already feel the anxiety starting up and the past coming to bite me again.

I am sorry, I hope I have explained what I think could possibly be happening in her mind. The best way maybe is to ask her how she felt about it then and now. Don't push too hard,let her have control over the conversation.
Shame and guilt go hand in hand in these circumstances. I am by no means saying she should feel these but I guess since I do maybe she may too.
lots of luck-let me know how things go
--jac