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You might take a look at this book, if you don't know it already: The Golden Cage, by Hilde Bruch. I read it a long time ago and it made a lot of sense to me. Maybe it would help others understand, and if you have not read it, maybe it would help support you too.
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Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
-- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631
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