Update: Well, I had a really frustrating, disconnected session today and left feeling it was all a waste of time. But then my T called to check on me after the session (she has only done this a few times in the entire time I've known her) to make sure I understood what she meant. I guess she could tell it hadn't gone well either. And I got to talk out some difficult feelings in the moment, just like I had wanted. Of course I was a little tongue tied and unprepared since I wasn't expecting her call, but I'm so glad I got to speak to her live when I was actually feeling something. And now I feel nothing but good things for her and therapy in general (it's a amazing how a little sign that she cares can change everything ). So I guess it was a little unexpected progress towards what I was hoping for and hopefully as it happens more I will get more comfortable with it.