Earlier, my self esteem was really low again. Instead of doing something helpful, such as working on my latch hooking project or reading, I took the object I use to c** myself & did it again; it wasn't a big one & really didn't bleed, which bothered me a little. I thought at the time, "(Certain names here), this is why I'm hurting myself." I really want to do this again & don't see what's wrong with it. I think, "I just c** myself & put a band-aid on it. There's nothing wrong with it."
I don't do this for attention. I do this to let go of the emotional pain I'm feeling. I know self harm isn't good, but it's almost like I enjoy treating my body like junk. I don't want to tell my psychologist again, but if she asks next week, I can't, & don't want to lie to her. I also want to go back to my old eating disorder ways.
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