Jenn it sounds very much like he wants you to do this for him. I know you want to help him, but he needs to get off his butt and help himself. He's a father for pete's sake! I think it's time for some tough love. Stop "helping" (ie enabling) him so much. If HE makes the appointment and you are free, feel free to join him. This is HIS problem and HE has to man up and sort it out.

I think you've hit a lot of things on the head. It sounds like he's trying everything he can to avoid the issue. It's really easy for him to blame everything on the ex. but in reality she cannot deny him visitation without court approved grounds. Only a fool would do that because it can cost her primary custody, unless she's sure he wouldn't seek it anyway. OR if he's pulling the same thing with her he's doing with you, ie missing scheduled times.

It sounds like a lot of alarms flashing, time to start listening to those warning voices in your head.

As a side note, in my opinion the courts should care if a parent goes out and has another kid. Just because the relationship didn't work doesn't mean that the child doesn't need food, housing, medical, dental and everything else. Nor do these needs decrease just because dear old dad (or mom) has another kid. If you make them, you support them and if it's a financial burden why on God's green earth have more?

But it brings up a very valid and important point for you to concider Jenn, if this a serious relationship the financial burden doesn't decrease with time, it increases. Your future is important these ugly realities need to be explored.