It does sound like he's very good with your children which is a definate bonus, but his relationship is with you. Since this is so important to you and does not seem even on his radar it definately needs to be addressed. A wise person recommended to me sending your concerns via email. You can express what you want to say, without interruption, read it over and make any changes you think are necessary. I think the suggestion would be helpful here too. This way both of you can get whatever you want off your chest without pressure of an immediate response from the other.

bipolo had some good points too, set up some boundaries. Let him know that one those nights he comes to your house that the time after the kids are asleep is adult time. Internet time can be the other days of the week. Perhaps your part of the compromise can be that you're not going to make every adult time a happy ending and be satisfied with just spending time together.

I believe someone already mentioned he might be avoiding it because the meds make it difficult for him so he wants to avoid the situation entirely. So turn down the pressure. You said that the physcial contact is your addiction, could you perhaps be seeking that because you do not recognize other forms of affection as love? By that I mean does is the physcial part the only way that you can feel loved?