you sound like me when I changed from one anti d to another - it took 3 weeks to kick in and i did a lot of SI during that time - the good news was that after the 3 weeks the meds kicked in and the urges got less -
hang in there - sitting with you till you feel better - spreading my phoenix wings to keep you safe - please try not to hurt yourself ok
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up! 
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture 
)
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet