I think I've reached a point where there's just no compassion left. Not for my husband, at least. All I feel when I look at him is frustrated and angry. I feel like he's manipulating me for nurturing and the same old reassurances. After 10 years, I am tired. Sometimes I think I'm dealing with a teenage drama queen. Most of the time when we argue, he goes into this woe is me thing.... "I'm such a screw-up" or "I've ruined our WHOLE day." And I've always piped in with "of course you aren't" or "no you haven't." But not anymore. Now I just sit in silence and loathing. And tongue-biting, really. Inside I'm screaming SHUT UP, but I don't let it out. Know that would be bad.

We argued this evening because he said one thing, but apparently meant another and I didn't understand what was going on. He thinks it unreasonable for me to expect him to say what he means or to expect him to accept responsibility when we have a misunderstanding that results from him not saying what he means. He looks at me dumbfounded when I tell him I can't read his mind, I only know what comes out of his mouth. So if he says blue, he can't expect me to know he really wants green. And this happens so frequently.

Today he said (in tears), "I don't think we'll ever be able to communicate." Maybe that should have pulled at my heartstrings (and in the past, it probably would have), but it didn't. My inclination was to say, "Buddy, with that attitude, we probably never will." But I didn't. Just silence.