|
Jul 11, 2009, 05:52 PM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 212
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by marjan
Well...If I were you, I would have given her time....You are neither her boyfriend nor her brother to pay for her...and if she has this expectation in your friendship, then honesty that's not a friendship at all....
You got to be relaxed and let time solve your problem...Trust me, she will get back to you....If you two were good friends and spend so much time together then she will miss you as well....
Yes...this is a time to find your interests.....and you get dettached from her....attachments are not good, it will bring suffering....
take care and be paitent
Marjan
|
marjan,
I'm not sure that she really expected me to pay all the time. Before she got her disability started, she would o ccasionally say that she knew I got tired of paying all the time. I just never expressed my feelings about it. I don't know how I would've explained the conflict that I was having. I also know that even after she started getting disability she probably didn't have as much as I did do go out and do things. She has a 13 y/o son and other responsibilites that I don't have.
Before any of this happened, I would question from time to time just how good a friendship we had. I'm the type of person who wants to stay in close contact with his friends. If nothing else, at least once a week call and say that I'm thinking about you. She isn't like that. To her, it's ok to go several weeks without talking. That would always frustrate me. I did express my feelings about this, but it didn't make much difference to her.
I had started seeing this "distancing" as a possible defense mechanism. A way that she protects herself. Her ex-husband was very abusive, both physically and emotionally. After that, she was in a relationship with an alcoholic. (So now, she's very adamant about not having a romantic relationship with any one.) If that's one of her ways of protecting herself, I guess I can understand that. If I'm right, then maybe her avoiding me isn't so much about me as it is about what's gone on in her past and her wanting to protect herself from it happening again. Does this make sense?
Dwayne61
|