"my girl had show dog markings. she was beautiful .
but unfortunately she had a bald tail tip from a docking gone bad.
and one of her eyes had a brown muscle (that holds the eye in) instead of the usual pink.

and her hind legs were turned out. sigh....

telling him had me see just how insane that all was. She was an increible dog the light of my life my constant friend bed partner went with me to work and everywhere she was allowed.

And words do not express how I feel right now. she was my only famliy left."


How well I understand this.....My first eskie, Excell, the one who died last year, was my show dog.....He was quite a character however. We worked together at getting his champion title with the UKC.....& we worked even harder at getting his obedience title with the AKC (finally just gave up on the obedience title with the UKC...lol). It took us 3 or maybe 4 years to get the obedience title.....seemed that every show we went to, he decided to mess up on something different......so it wasn't that he didn't know what to do.....he just knew in his mind what he wasn't going to do. My most fun with him was playing with our toys in the back yard. One of our first shows I went to with him, he decided to pee on my leg just before going into the confirmation ring....that should have been my first indication of what he thought about showing. When he was 1 year old, I decided to get another female eskie for my birthday.....Destiny Dreamer. They were the greatest together.....made many wonderful litters of puppies.....but she was also his distraction when it came to one of our obedience shows....He was on his sit stay.....for 3 minutes......he did that just fine.....however when I called him to come, he ran right for me, then right out of the ring & right over to where Destiny was......had to laugh....he had his priorities straight....lol. We really loved doing the agility just for the fun of it.....as he loved only certain ones of the obsticals......& no matter where I would direct him, he would always go back & do the one he liked again.....He was my wonderful, awesome puppy.....all his life he was just my puppy.....even with all the other puppies around him...he was still puppy.

We kept a puppy out of each litter (which added up over time). Initially it was to keep the best one that might turn out to be a good show dog......but they all turned out to be just the most wonderful pets. The lady who had breed Excell also bred another toy eskie (Celia)....he was nothing but fur....sticking out all over......really a gorgeous little toy eskie......but the wrong colour eyes for showing.....she was the one eskie that would go everywhere with me no leash needed....she was right at my heels......even as we trudged across the desert to get to the ranch when my car broke down on the way there......she was right at my feet all the way. She has the most loving personality & just loves attention......so I ended up getting her tested & oked to take her into convalescent homes......what a wonderful experience that was.....everyone wanted her in bed with them & she just went to everyone, making the whole hospital happy. No dog needs to be a show dog when love is the only thing that matters. I so know what you mean about who cares about the ear set or the colour of their eyes, of the break in their tail......or in Celia's case, her broken leg that had to be pinned & needed surgery to get bone marrow to repair the small bone in the leg that also broke. She not only bent the pin but it broke when they went to take it out, so she now has the pin permanently in her leg......she hops around the farm & gets around perfectly......she does this flying leap thing at me & lands right on top of me when I lay on my bed.....it was that same flying leap that landed her right on top of the birthday cake I made for my friend this week...luckily there was a plastic top over the cake that broke her landing in the middle of the cake...only messed up the frosting.......gotta love the silly things they do......that is what their personalities are all about.....know I couldn't have gotten through life without them either........I know how precious your little girl was to you.......they definitely hold onto our hearts even after we loose them.....those heart memories are what stay with us forever.

You were asking about when they do chemo/radiation first rather than after.....from what I understand, they do the chemo/radiation first only when the cancer is a tumor that is too large to do the surgery on or the cancer needs to be controlled down to a smaller area before doing the surgery........they can do the surgery without the chemo/radiation first when it hasn't gotten that large or that out of what they feel is controllable.

My mother had vulvar cancer.....which was initially a skin cancer type of cancer.....she ignored it until the tumor was the size of my fist between her legs & had also spread back into the **** & also into the lymph nodes in her groin......she tried to tell us that it grew that quickly & was just tiny a few months before....but that was a very slow growing cancer & had to have been there for years that she ignored it....according to her Dr & also all the research I did on the internet. She had 9 months of chemo/radiation before they did the surgery.....then nothing afterward.....that should have been my clue to what was going on.....as her surgeon said nothing to her....her wound wasn't healing with all the radiation that had been done & her legs were all swollen with the lymphedema from the loss of the lymphnodes & her refusal to wear the stockings the Dr gave her to wear.....she didn't like them because it was summer & they were too hot.

Her Dr made sure to tell me that this kind of cancer wasn't inherited. So how did a little old lady get that kind of cancer???? She never smoked or was around smoking, nor did she drink & she definitely wasn't having sexual relations which was said to be a possible cause in younger patients.......only thing anyone could think if was that she had skin cancer removed from her groin area 20 some years before & somehow, one of the cells from that that hadn't been caught, found it's way into that area........no one can really tell where that one bad cell actually comes from most of the time....especially when you don't do any of the cancer causing things in life. It does leave one really wondering how in the world cancer chooses who it will effect.

Will be keeping you in my prayers.....sure that your Dr's will be taking the best possible care they can of you & that you will also be taking the best possible care of yourself....it's tough thinking about the necessity of having to change eating habits to make positive changes that really do make a difference with the healing & the cancer when we are also dealing with an ED......know the 2 can definitely be in a bit of a conflict......but I know you will be able to find the strength with all the support you have here & hopefully will find IRL, that will help you through all of these issues you are dealing with right now......

Know how much we care & want to be here for you,
Debbie