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Jul 12, 2009, 04:12 PM
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Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 91
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Phoenix.....Yeah it is damn hard and very frustrating!! 
I hope things with you and your Manager go ok tomorrow...Let me know how it goes!
I will do my best not to hurt myself but again another bad freakin day...Why do people have to be so mean, hurtful and down right rude? Who gives anyone the right to tell someone "your not going anywhere anyway what difference does it make and your ruin anything you touch or come involved in and that you will be alone for the rest of your life?" 
WHAT THE F*&$!!!!! Who tells someone that?? Even if it may true do you have to tell me to my face?? 
If I didn't want to SI before I do now!!! Just when there was a glimer of hope that it might be a better day not great but better!!
paddym22....thanks....I don't feel like I'm doing great...I know little steps are good, but all that was shot down today. After today I don't want to go to therapy. This person is right so why wast the time and or money if it isn't going to matter in the long run? I use to like going to the gym ( won't say love cause I don't.) I was starting to get my life back on track. Lost a bunch of weight, started the gym with a trainer, starting to feel good...then BAM I get smacked down with depression. It had been creeping up but was able to keep it at bay, then something happened and back full force and I can't shake it.
Right now as I sit here typing this...beer off to the left...I want to get up and grab a razor that is on the table that I'm trying not to look at and grab my many bottle of pills and raid what is in the medicine cabinet. Dont have anything else to do, and this person is right. I ruin everything I touch or encounter and I will be alone for the r4est of my life.
I just don't know how much more I can take....I'm emotionally drained and don't have much of a fight left in me.
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