Hey everyone
First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this, and appologize if this is a waste of your time
Anyway the reason I am posting is because I am concerned about my mental health, and what is wrong with me. I guess I should start with my history (sorry if this turns out to be long)
Well I am a 17 year old female and I have not had the best childhood. I was abused by my father for years (sexually and physically) he also did drugs and drunk. My sister was also abused and since she is a lot older then me I grew up watching her get ptsd, be hospitalized and join group homes for most of my childhood. I recently found papers documenting my therapy when I was a child that said at the age of 6 I had suicidal tendencies. In middle school I started cutting myself and it continued all the way until hghschool where my mom found out and I told her about my abuse and cutting. After that night we basically never spoke about it again, because I know she feels guilty and that if I bring it up she will freak out about it (being the nurse she is).
Lately I have had growing concerns that there is something wrong with me mentally. I fear that I am bipolar as I have some of the symptoms and I have had my friends mention my moods. I go through periods of happiness and depression and anger all the time, the depression being the worst, and the anger being the most noticed. I know bipolar disorder can be confused with many other disorders, which is why I am not sure. I cannot tell my mom, and cannot talk to a doctor as of yet.
I am not sure what else to add, but I welcome and ask for advice and opinions, and overall just need someone to talk to.
I am sorry for taking your time. And thanks for listening.