I know how you feel. I don't want to cut mostly because I don't want to hurt my husband. I know he'd be so dissappointed in me. And realisticly you know there is no where you could cut that they wouldn't eventually notice. Especially since once is never enough and it doesn't take long to run out of skin. I hope you find a better way to cope. Do you have a T? Thhat really helps me, because I don't talk to hubby about these feelings much. He knows, but he also knows it's good for me to have a T which I can be totally open with and not worry so much about.