Im sorry I dont know anything about adoption
there may be help lines you can ring where you are - worth a try?
I dont know how old you are........ or if you are religious? if so then a priest, pastor, rabbi or religious centre may be able to help
the relatives that live further away could they help you?
keep posting ok - let us know how you are going
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up! 
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture 
)
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet