Kerri, first and foremost I want to express to you have sorry I am that you feel so bad! And I know that when I am at my worst sometimes I think I need someone else to "do it" for me (make calls, appointments etc) but I am wondering, in thinking back over my own experiences, whether this might actually be the RIGHT time for you to go in patient. For me when things are at their worst that is when I end up doing the most growth - making the most progress! You've heard "it's always darkest be for the dawn" right? When It seems like I can't go on any more I turn to my therapy and trust it. Trust my Doctor to help me and then I open up, becoming very vunerable and let him point me in the right direction. Why not call you T and ask him if this could be a good place for you (even though it feels so bad) and not as bad as you perceive. Maybe he has seen you grow before and can help re-assure you that it will be OK. We can try to do that here but he knows you best (and for the longest). Please think about it.. and take care of yourself.

Best always,
Deirdre