Everything I try only disappoints me. People are too quick to latch onto the easier route, to be convinced from little that I'm safe. "Have you had any thoughts of suicide?" "Yeah... I always do when I'm this depressed..." "Do you think you need to go to the hospital again?" "I don't know..." "Well, call your therapist if it gets worse." Gee, thanks... it already IS worse, I just don't know if the hospital would help. Thanks for closing off that subject. Result of that psychiatrist visit: "Put some schedule in your life; go for walks in this gross humidity, find ways to get out and see people you're not close to and are sick of trying to have a friendship with or volunteer on your empty tank of gas due to having no income. About the income - keep trying on that empty tank of gas to find a job - sure you've had a ton of difficulty finding and keeping one in the past, but I'm sure you can find one now while you feel suicidal! I'll see you again in six weeks!"

It's pointless. Why do I even try. No chance will I make it through this summer - if even this week! But there's no solution to it.