Hi, my name is Ayesha. I am only 14 years old. Everyday I think of suicide and well I dunno what to do. I like to play badminton the thought takes my mind off it. But then the thoughts come back when I think of the worse. Believe it or not the most important person in life, sounds selfish but is true is yourself! If you have ever had therpy then you have come along way. Don't give up still I know theres something out their which I haven't seen before and I want to find it some day. If I ever decided to do that the first person I would tell is my best friends who I've known for 8 years now although I have moved away from here. Still stay in touch, someone who you can trust has the right to know. It is hard, I don't know what keeps me here but sometimes it can be other people you care about too. Im in pain everyday yet I try not to say. My smile and laugh is just a fake happiness to life itself. Some people try to bring me down and the only person who can bring me down is myself. I use to listen to them thinking that I don't beling or that no one likes me. But now I've realised that I do have someone there for me. Also I take my teddy bear at school instead of sissors because the scars is not worths it to make. I find it so hard and upseting when I heard that a friend of mine wants to commit suicide. I was there saying that if she ever thought she is going to she can ring me first and talk about it. The thing is you have a life and you can do so much with it to. For me right now I have school and a home which doesn't even feel like sweet home at all. Will I ever find mr right who loves me for who I am. I feel so different to everyone else. I'm naturally tan, have very dark brown/black hair, My pupils are quite big (I don't even take drugs), I like black eyeliner and I'm kind of like a punk. I do have a heart inside of me. I never mean to hurt anyone yet most of them try to hurt me. Deepest thoughts are if someone doesn't want me here badly, I could give in easierly. You know why because the same as Taonuviel was saying I don't know what keeps me here. I guess I keep myself here. I don't fight, I don't listen, I don't care or I want is to live my life to the full! It's hard to imagine if I'll ever get a job and start a family and grow up. Life to me if mind blowing. Please don't take any way your life there's so much more you haven't seen that is good. Have you ever seen the sunset go down? Watch the stars at night? Been on the London eye see the buildings and people down below? If I can't help myself, I at least try to help someone else. Be brave, Be strong, Be you and Hold on!