Hello and welcome
I'm sorry you're struggling so much. You know, if you tell your therapist she can help you. Who says you're gonna end up in a psych ward?
I don't have anorexia, but I can definitely relate to the feelings caused by loneliness. If it helps or if you need someone to listen, keep posting here, ok?
And one more thing: you don't hate what you've become, you hate your disorder. That's not you. You are a wonderful person and you deserve to get better just like everyone else.
Take care