Quote:
Originally Posted by Dwayne61
marjan,
I'm not sure that she really expected me to pay all the time. Before she got her disability started, she would occasionally say that she knew I got tired of paying all the time. I just never expressed my feelings about it. I don't know how I would've explained the conflict that I was having. I also know that even after she started getting disability she probably didn't have as much as I did do go out and do things. She has a 13 y/o son and other responsibilites that I don't have.
Before any of this happened, I would question from time to time just how good a friendship we had. I'm the type of person who wants to stay in close contact with his friends. If nothing else, at least once a week call and say that I'm thinking about you. She isn't like that. To her, it's ok to go several weeks without talking. That would always frustrate me. I did express my feelings about this, but it didn't make much difference to her.
I had started seeing this "distancing" as a possible defense mechanism. A way that she protects herself. Her ex-husband was very abusive, both physically and emotionally. After that, she was in a relationship with an alcoholic. (So now, she's very adamant about not having a romantic relationship with any one.) If that's one of her ways of protecting herself, I guess I can understand that. If I'm right, then maybe her avoiding me isn't so much about me as it is about what's gone on in her past and her wanting to protect herself from it happening again. Does this make sense?
Dwayne61
|
My dear Dwayne61,
I think you are putting too much thought into this relationship. Sometimes is better just to let it go and let the time resolve our issues rather than digging into it.
I'm like you too, I like to stay in touch with my friends all the time, specially those that I feel close to. But I found out, not everybody likes that. People are just simply so different. Some don't like it at all.
Try to find new friends and new hobbies and you will be surprized!
Attachment is not good for you. I used to be attached to one of my girlfriend too much. I was calling her everyday and getting direction from her. Then I realized that I'm ruining my life, I'm so different than her trying to apply her point of view to my life. She was always trying to convience me what to do specially in term of relationships. And, we are totally different. My life style and hobbies are different than her. Now, I stop calling her everyday and I feel better. I'm still in touch with her, but I try not to get too attached and not to ask her direction for my life.
We got to understand that each of us are so different. You can't even find two finger prints the same, then how can we find two people the same!!!
Try to find peace and happiness inside yourself, in your mind rather than outside.
I think this is really good for you that your friend is denying you. It's a good lesson for you. Take the apportunity and learn from the lesson.
with love
Marjan