I always make sure I don't lie, FooZe. I hate liars, so why on Earth would I be one myself? He reckoned that I was lying about starving myself and that the weightloss would be obvious after 2 days of starving, which, on Saturday, he later admitted was a wrong statement and he said that he is going to se someone from SWEDA to get all the tension and anger, upset etc over this, off his chest. He asked me how I really felt about the situation and about him. I told him the truth. I told him this:

"When you called me a liar, I hated you because the voice calling me a liar was Shana. I know I go back to her voice and stuff when people say bad things to/about me, but I can't help it. I'm still trying to get over it... I felt like starving even more just to spite you. I felt like you didn't love me and that you didn't even listen to what I've said to you or seen how much I'm struggling with this. I feel like you think you can have control over everything in my life, and yes I admit that I probably let you have that control, feed it to you.. If that makes any sense whatsoever.. But now that there's one major thing in my life that you can't have control over, because even I can't have control over it, you've thrown a hissy fit, got p-ssed off about it and don't like it so you're taking it out on me when it's actually not my fault. That's how I feel. You hurt me when you called me a liar and I still feel like you meant it, even if you say you didn't... because you told me on that night that you did mean it. So what the hell am I supposed to believe? I struggle like hell with this and all I want is for you just to be there as my cushion to land on when I need you, as well as my partner and lover. I just need a bit of support. I can understand that you're finding it difficult to come to terms with and I'm not expecting you to just accept it, but just to be there when I need you and not be so harsh."

We didn't go to Torquay in the end, the forecast was crap so we went to Taunton shopping instead. It was great fun even though it was so close to my hometown anyway! We did lots of walking and went for a meal (eeeek! That came back up against my will), then we did some shopping and I got some new trousers and a pair of shoes and we had a pretty happy day, with no upsets whatsoever apart from my thighs stinging.

Onto my thighs stinging, we got home, I took my trousers off to stop teh stinging and see what it was and the insides of both my thighs were red raw. I asked Connor to take pictures so that I could see properly and it was pretty horrendous. So, we went to the MIU and they gave me some steroid cream and said to stay at home, sat down or in bed all day the next day. Ummmm. That didn't happen! But she said that if it didn't clear up within a week, to go to my GP and ask to see a dermotologist. Oooo what fun. It's not cleared up entirely, so it could be going that way.

Had blood tests done on Thursday, not had the results back yet so I'm guessing it's looking good so far. I have bee trying very hard to eat more, but it's proving insanely difficult at least I'm trying I guess..

Sannah, my friend put me into a very relaxed state! It was so nice to just finally sit down, be talking to her fiance and have her running around for me instead of me running around for everyone else. We were chatting about his court case and such, but I was relaxed anyway because he wasn't worried about it and neither was she, so we just had a pretty chilled out evening and I slept.

Last night wasn't so good though. I didn't sleep until 5.30am this morning, so woke up at 10am feeling horrid. Still went out shopping and walking etc though. i know that was a bad idea, but... I felt bored..

Just hope I sleep better tonight..