I'm 23 years old and a recent college graduate. Somehow, I made it through all my schooling all right. It was difficult showing up every day and being seen by people, but I somehow managed.

Problem is, I'm incredibly inadequate regarding work experience. Today, I was supposed to begin my first ever paid job. I thought I had it all under control. I interviewed fine and got the job. I wanted it terribly because I'm living at home with my parents and know I'm stuck if I don't do anything...

But when I left this morning, I drove and drove and drove, way past when my shift was supposed to begin. I just got this horrible feeling in my throat. It seized me and made me drive past the business's entrance and keep driving. I called a friend who knows what I'm like and said, "Guess what?" He knew exactly what I was going to say.

My employers called me a few times. I couldn't even bear to pick up. I was terrified of being reprimanded before even starting my shift. I have no idea why I'm so scared of this kind of thing.

I'm getting sick of this. I know what I need to do, but something inside my head keeps telling me I can't do it. No matter how hard I try, I can't even begin that first day of work. The thought of working with the public or being under someone's direct supervision terrifies me. I can't figure out why. I just can't do anything about it. The feeling seizes me. I'm afraid every single thing I do will be judged into the far reaches of the universe. I don't know why I'm afraid of this; I just am.

As long as I'm unemployed, I'm stuck at home with no friends and only my parents, who are becoming increasingly more frustrated with me. This condition of mine makes no sense to them. I'm afraid I'm either going to be thrown out of the house or stuck here the rest of my life. I think the latter is more likely considering my parents but they're pretty serious about a strong work ethic, which is something I lack completely.

I'm told I see everything as a direct opposition: good or evil; black or white. Maybe that's my problem. I just can't help it. I only see the bad most of the time--the good a little bit of the time. There are never any gradients. All of this leads me to just nearly asphyxiate on unfounded fear. I know when I'm called out on it that it doesn't make any sense, but my brain just won't let me analyze things any other way.

I have no idea how I'm going to get over this. I know...start a job and keep it up for a few months. I just wish I could get myself to the point where I even feel capable of that. I'm always so fatigued and unmotivated, even when I'm not anxious about starting a job, that it just seems impossible to learn something that could get me fired in an instant done. Everyone works. I don't know why I can't... It's going to be the end of me if I can't get over this.