Dear Tree,

I too have had many severe physical problems that were directly connected to the pain/memories/fears and abuser programming to "not tell or else".

As the adult I often wanted them to hurry up and tell what they were struggling with and "get out of the way of my life". I felt that they had been "sabotaging" me for most of my life. I had to feel all their illness/pain and mental fear and anguish. I just wanted them TO GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that was a BIG problem for THEM. The more I pushed them the harder they fought me off and the more rotten I felt and the more unstable and wonky I felt. Ugh, it was such a horrible time for all of us.

THEN, after a while I finally accepted that I must learn to love them, nurture them, listen to them and be good to them AND appreciate what they did to save our life, no matter how they did that - which included some scary things they did at times.

AS I grew to love them and accept them we gradually moved closer to each other and they stopped sabotaging the system and they began to receive some help and comfort and healing and truth and change. It may have been the hardest thing our adult parts had to do. We had a lot of bad programming inside of our mind and it had to break down the war/ conflict inside as we rejected the old programs and found truth.

My littles are me and I am them. We belong together and we must be each others friend and protectors in new healthy ways. The more I became protective and respectful of my littles the more they work with me for all our sakes.

Sorry to be so long-winded. It is kinda hard for me to explain this to you in words that make sense. It was a very internal kind of change and now I find myself very fond of my littles and I want their best for them. We all seem to be benefiting from my adult part becoming a nurturing advocate for all my littles. This is a 180 degree different outlook and attitude for Leslie.

I care and hope you all find your way to some peace and help for each other. It took all of you to survive to this point and all need respect and nurture and to be heard and cared for. (ok off the soapbox now =)

Leslie and the Precious Pixies (and awesome teeners)