I feel really empty. I don't think that I have anything useful to say to the doctor, I don't know how long you're meant to be on meds before they work. But it seems hopeless and I feel really lousy. Not really sad or angry. Just lousy, kinda empty. Like nothing I do really matters. Like it wouldn''t really matter if I went to uni or even if I didn't go to uni. It doesn't seems to matter if I eat or don't. I don't feel like being here, wherever that even is, mostly becuase it doesn't even feel like i'm a part of this life. I feel detached and isolated. I've had lunch with people and laughed at the right moments and even added opinions and suggestions. But i'm not really there. It's like the real me has left this shell behind to deal with everything for the moment.
I'm scared that someone will notice and say "Hey Elspeth! That's not really you. We don't like you anymore. You used to be real but now your just pretend. You don't even exist."
I feel like my soul has left or even died. I feel empty. I don't even care what happens to me because I'm not real anymore. I don't cry much, don't sleep, I don't eat much (not because I don't want to just becuase its too much effort.) Like life is just too much at the moment, I just want to put everything on hold while I become me again. But I really feel like I'm being dragged along the ground whilst time and life keeps determinedly marching onwards and upwards. And even though it hurts my body, because I'm not really there, I don't even care.