Don't know what i want out of this thread, guess just to get it out.

I had a crappy day yesterday from the point i woke up till i got home. Went through i don't know how many moods and ended on anger that had me in the killzone. At the corner i got a 6pk before getting to the house. I called to leave a message for my counsler that i wouldnt be at the group meeting last night cause i was to damn depressed and my anger was strong that i didnt want to lash out at anyone if one word was said wrong by someone. Well not my counsler but the other counsler answered the phone. I didnt know it was her until she shut me up and said its me calm down. She gave me a hard time about not going to the meeting. Kept telling me to come. I ended up saying i already started drinking so i can't drive now. She tells me thats the way you want to handle it okay. Then wants to know when i see my counsler. Now i'm on edge about seeing my counsler on wednesday. Should i go or not. Just don't wanna face the music.

As the hour after that passed, two neighbors came over. A meeting that day was held about rentals in residential areas. anyway, ya'll don't want to know about that. Well they came over to find out what happened cause my father went. I made the comment i wish i had something to smoke. ONe of them said come over they had some. They were both annoyed about the meeting outcome and were drinking and wanted to smoke too. So i did i went over there. I ended up drinking a good 12 pk over there and smoked for hours.

I didnt wake up with a hangover but im hurting in the way of having guilty feelings for what i did. how i handled the entire day yesterday. I have to control my anger. It takes control. I want to say but and give a reason for my anger. My counsler is on my *** about no more butts. Okay now im going off on another tirade.

I just have the guilty feeling and i hate it. Now something else to run through my mind all day with everything else. Like these racing thoughts dont have enough company.